Thursday, May 17, 2012
This day sits with a weight on my shoulders. It's as though I can physically feel it pressing upon me. My eyes are heavy and and my body tired. I've been fighting off a cold/sore throat/sinus issue for well over a week now. Monday it landed me in a clinic for some relief. Tylenol, Tylenol - that's all I seem to hear anyone say to take. It's taken me nowhere closer to recovery.
My 16 month old has been testing the boundaries lately. This week it's been coming to a head and through the tantrums, crying, pinching, hitting and her constant throwing of anything within reach, I hear God whisper "Grace. Grace."
I've found my work load piling up as the last thing I want to do is anything that involves thinking. My mind is so cloudy with sickness that to think straight and longer than a few minutes just makes my head hurt all the more. But I have a large Scentsy fundraiser happening and I've got to think clearly. I've got to stay focused, sharp, professional and organized.
And he whispers "Grace. Grace."
The dishes haven't been done for days. They cover every available surface. I've been too sick to even think about touching them and no one else has made the move either. Did I mention there is no dish soap? I couldn't even do the dishes if I wanted too.
I'm surrounded by others and all I want to do is be alone. Still living with my husbands family, sister and brother and today is a day where I would like to be in my own world, with my own things, doing my own thing. And that reality is so far away that it almost makes me cry.
And yet he whispers "Grace."
2 Corinthians 12:9 has been on repeat in my mind. It's as though I can hear the Lord whispering this in my ear.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ”
My grace. It is sufficient. For YOU. For when you are completely undone, my incredible POWER is perfect. And that POWER will carry you. It will make you well. It will sustain you when you feel like you can't go on. And it will give you the GRACE to give others that same kind of grace - when you don't want too. When you feel like you can't. When it does't seem fair or right. MY GRACE will cover you. And my power will be perfect when you are weak. Because when you are weak, I am STRONG.
"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."
And that power is carrying me through today. It's a minute-by-minute kind of thing. That amazing power is keeping me in a place of complete dependency on Him because I can't get through it alone.