The Sweet Pea Project

I've tried to write this post numerous times. My words seem so inadequate because I am not good with them or expressing what I truly want to say. I fall so short in trying to convey the importance of things sometimes and I want to give this post the kind of care that it deserves.


You see, I have this incredible opportunity to contribute to one of the most touching things I will ever be a part of and I have the opportunity to share that with you. My hope is that you'll give me just a couple minutes of your time to share with you about the Sweet Pea Project and the incredible work that they are doing for families who have had a baby loss. I promise that your heart will be touched when you hear about what they do.


I was pregnant with my daughter, Aubrey, in 2010. It was the most exciting time of my life as I planned and prepared for her arrival. I had wanted to be a mom for so very long and when I found out that I was pregnant, I think it was truly one of the happiest days I'd ever experienced in my life. To know that new life was inside of me was incredible. Around that time, I had no less than 20 friends who were also pregnant. Many of my blogging friends were pregnant too and it was a fun time to be surrounded by so many who knew exactly what I was going through. It was during that time that I reconnected with a gal I went to high school with, Nerissa. She was a grade ahead of me but we shared a theater class and she also sat at the lunch table across from me. Our high school was small so we all seemed to know each other. We had a few mutual friends and it was nice to reconnect with her via Facebook.


Nerissa was in that group of people that I knew who were pregnant. Tragically, her son, Holden, died at just 38 weeks. A full term, sweet, beautiful baby boy who could have thrived in the outside world, passed away. And it ripped open his mother's heart. I remember hearing about Holden's passing and my heart felt like it broke into a million pieces. I was a new mom and I knew that I would be utterly devesatated if something were to happen to my daughter. I couldn't imagine my joy over her birth being shattered by her death. And I hugged my baby tighter wondering why I was so lucky. It didn't seem fair.


Through this terrible time in the life of Nerissa and her family, I've had a small chance to get to know her heart better and to listen to her share about her sweet boy. She is a mom who will not let the memory of her son die. He was a person who lived, who left an imprint and who had his mom and dad wrapped around his little finger. I love that I've got to know a little bit more about Holden through Nerissa's stories of him.


Today is Holden's birthday - April 13th. To honor his precious life, Nerissa is organizing a blanket and book drive in his name. Everything will benefit the Sweet Pea Project who's sole mission it is to help parents and families deal with the loss of their baby. They offer comfort, support and guidance during this time of incredible sadness and loss. Here is a bit about why they collect blankets.

When a child dies before or shortly after birth, the parents leave the hospital with broken hearts and empty hands.  The loss is amplified by the fact that there are often very few tangible items to remember the child by.

The Sweet Pea Project collects blankets to donate to hospitals and birthing centers.  The blankets are lovingly wrapped around these precious babies and then given to the parents to keep.  So far, the Sweet Pea Project has donated over 3500 blankets to grieving parents. It is our hope that the project will continue to grow so that every parent who faces this profound loss is given a soft blanket to snuggle their child in, and remember their child by.

Here is what Nerissa is going to do for the Sweet Pea Project:

Basically what I will be doing is collecting blankets and monetary donations. The SPP distributes the blankets to hospitals and birthing centers. A family like ours is then given their choice of blankets to wrap their precious baby in. After they say goodbye for the final time, they can then take the blanket home where it becomes a tangible memory of their child, something their baby actually touched in their short time on earth. Monetary donations will be used to purchase copies of the founder's (Stephanie Cole) book "Still to be distributed to my local hospitals. 

The Sweet Pea Project guidlines for blanket donations are as folows:

• ANY brand new baby blanket. 
• Handmade blankets must be made from fleece, flannel, or cotton. SPP discourages donations of crochet or knitted blankets because of the extremely delicate nature of a stillborn baby's skin. While it may feel soft to us, the fibers of these blankets can actually cause tears or abrasions on a stillborn baby's skin. If that is the only type of blanket someone is able to donate, the SPP asks that it be made out of the special baby yarn. 

Nerissa will also be accepting monetary donations to her PayPal address. For every $5 donated, she can purchase one copy of Stephanie Cole's book "Still" to donate to a bereaved family to try to help them so they don't feel so alone. This book is a short read, so not overwhelming for someone in the depth of grief. Nerissa said it helped her feel much less alone. Through this book she started connecting to people who she could really talk to and could understand her feelings of despair, longing and anger. She said this book was one of her lifesavers. 


Let's help get this book in women's hands!




I would love to see Nerissa have an outpouring of love just flood her mail box and her pay pal account. I know that $5 can be a lot of money to some and to others it's a small drop in the bucket. Maybe don't have that coffee at Starbucks this week, or put off that craft project until next week. Maybe buy one less bag of chips or package of cookies and use that $5 to truly make an impact. Let's do what we can for Nerissa, for Holden, The Sweet Pea Project, and families who are dealing with one of the worst tragedies a family could ever face. Please feel free to Facebook, Tweet, and share this blog post so we can keep the word going. 




To donate a blanket please mail them to:


Nerissa Tiffany
PO BOX 74
Saegertown, Pennsylvania  16433




To make a monetary donation or to find out more information, contact Nerissa at dreamersdisease@yahoo.com.




To find out more about the Sweet Pea Project, please go here. 

Dressing Your Truth - It's Changed My Life

Have you ever experienced something that has changed your life? Well, in the past few months, I have. But it was only when I decided to commit myself and not just flake through it. But first, let me give you a little background.

I've struggeled since childhood to love my appearance. I was always got caught in the comparision game even at an elementary school age. My clothes weren't as cool, my hair wasn't as great, I wasn't as tiny, my teeth were crooked...and on and on the things I said to myself went. It's truly been a struggle for me in every way. It probably didn't help that I was drawn to more of a "different" kind of style. I remember once writing in my journal about why it wasn't fair that I didn't like crew neck sweatshirts like all of the rest of the girls. I loved my second hand tee shirts with funny sayings. My favorite was "Bald is Beautiful. God only created so many perfect heads - the rest he covered with hair." I loved that shirt! I didn't fit the typical mold and though I loved putting my outfits together, I so often felt out of place.

When I was in my first year of Master's Commission, I had a real struggle with myself. I was in a new place, a new city, surrounded by people I didn't know, who were dripping with talent, experience and style. I felt like a schmoe - whatever a schmoe is. And finally one day, after realizing that everytime I looked in the mirror, I was picking out my flaws. And I stopped. I stopped to look at myself. To truly stare myself in the eyes and see who I was. I looked at my lips. I looked at my eyes. I looked at my nose. I stared at myself. This was my face. This was my body. THIS was my physical apperance. This is how God created me. Perfect in his eyes.

It was an eye opening experience for me to actually see myself as I truly was. Later that day I had a long conversation with my Director of our Master's Commission team. He helped me realize I was a person who had a lot of "trophies" but lacked the knowledge of who I truly was to help walk in that truth. See, I was my high school prom queen. I had won first runner-up in a beauty pagent at our county fair. I had been the leader and president of a number of groups. I had a ton of friends. It wasn't like I was stuck in a corner isolated in my life. I had a vibrant, active, full life. I just had this incredible internal struggle. My Director gave me a list of scriptures that eventually helped changed my life. They were Bible verses that specifically show us who God says we are. I challenged myself to read a scripture a day and to concentrate on living that out. I would pray over the verse, journal about my thoughts and speak it forth all day long. It was truly, truly life changing. And God began to really erase those dark areas of my heart that had been shrouded in insecurity. Just a couple of weeks ago, Christine and I were talking about our weight loss journies, and she said "I never hear you say anything negative about yourself." And I don't. I've been changed from the inside and it's a stronghold that has been broken. My prayer and challenge in this life is to help other women break that in themselves too with the truth of God's Word.

Enter a few months ago.

My mother-in-law came across a program called "Dressing Your Truth". She had been blog reading and came across one woman's experience with this life changing program. And from that instant, we were hooked. Dressing Your Truth can best be described as a makeover program that teaches you how to highlight your natural beauty so you look amazing and feel great. It's absolutely changed my life. Before, dresssing was a struggle. Now it's freedom and I'm excited about creating outfits. I've learned how to purchase clothes and wear my hair that honors my true beauty. I'm finally wearing all of my clothes because I've gone through all of the clothes that don't honor me anymore and what I'm left with is stuff that truly highlights who I am. I'm excited to get dressed. I'll tell you two quick stories and then I'll share with you how you can find out more about Dressing your Truth.

Story #1: A month or so ago, I took Aubrey to our local science center for an outing. We met up with two friends and their kiddos. I was dressed in a white long sleeved tee shirt, jeans, and had on a gold/pearl necklace with a big white flower pinned to it. (The same outfit as in the photo above - but with the addition of the flower. Like in the photo below.) Nothing spectacular - and in fact, probably not as stylish as the fashion industry would have you think. In fact, the two girls I was with would probably have been considered much more stylish. They were both dressed head to toe in black. They had on tights and knee high boots and killer accessories. They really looked great. But as we were walking down one coridor of the science center, one of the workers looked right at me and said "Wow! You look amazing!" I honestly thought she was talking to Aubrey as she was decked out pretty cute and I looked down at her and smiled. But the woman was looking at me! And I sort of fumbled and said "Oh, me?" And she said "Yes! You look so great!" I was quiet shocked honestly but accepted her compliment and beamed. It felt really good. I felt bad that the comment was said right in front of the other two moms, but I knew that DYT was changing how others saw me.

Story #2: I had an appointment at the bank to open a new bank account for Scentsy. As I approached the desk to tell them I was there for my appointment, the woman's eyes sort of lit up and she said "You are so beautiful!" It again, took me aback, and I told her how kind she was to say that. But she kept going on about how great I looked. Mind you, I wasn't in anything spectacular. A pretty white coat I bought at Old Navy, jeans, my purse, my hair done - really that's all you could see. But everything was honoring my type of beauty. As I waited for my appointment I even sent out a facebook update about how you should always compliment someone when you admire what they are doing/wearing because you never know how you could make their day. Later at that same appointment, I had the same sort of experience with the girl opening my new account and from the woman who approved my identification. At the end of my appointment, all three women were gathered around the check-in desk raving about how good I looked. It was unreal.

I tell you those two stories to share with you how life changing this program has been for me. And honestly, that's just two stories out of a host of situations where I have been stopped and complimented. It's not because I'm wearing something super fabulous or expensive. No, most of my clothes come from Old Navy. My jewelery is mostly from Walmart. I'm still a stay-at-home mom who get stains on her clothes. It's not that I'm drop dead gorgeous. Hello, no. :) But I've learned to take the beauty, the energy, the personality God has given me and use them to truly draw out my own beauty. This program has been life changing for me. I am confident inside and out. Finally, my outside matches my inside.

Dressing Your Truth has changed my life and the lives of countless other women - and men! I can't tell you what it's done to my marriage. I finally am at a point where I understand Shane and he gets me. It's incredible. This fall, my mother-in-law and I head out to a Dressing Your Truth confrence; Be You, Be Beautiful. I can't wait!

So, if you're interested in learning more about DYT, there is an awesome offer happening right now. You can get the Beauty Profiling Course (where you learn about your specific type of beauty) for FREE. Normally it's $39. And, once you learn what your type of beauty is (there are 4), then you take the Beauty Profiling Course to learn what clothes, colors, fabrication (and more) is best for your type of beauty. It's been the most freeing thing ever. The course is on sale for $99 until March 31st. It's normaly over $250.

So, if you're like me and you've ever experienced insecurity - or if you're moving through life and people just dont' "get you", I would encourage you to look at Dressing Your Truth. It's changed my life inside and out.

And P.S. If you go through the course - I am a Type 1. The Bright, Animated Woman. :)

#febphotoaday

I just got the iphone 4s. Pinch me people. I've joined the 21st century. Up until last week, I was sans cellphone. I know, I know. Some of you are falling off of your chairs because you have no idea how anyone can function without a smart phone - let alone a cell phone! I'm kind of getting what you mean now. I'm loving my white beauty. She's definitely keeping me connected!

Now that I have a camera constantly at my fingertips, I've decided to play along with fat mum slim and her February photo-a-day challenge. Today was the first day and I'm looking forward to finding my "perfect" shot to interpret each days photo challenge. Here is the list in case you want to join in.

And here is my version of today's challenge - My View Today.

I call it "Launching and Lunching" as I spent a lot of time today working on launching my Scentsy business. Though I officially had my first party last week, I'm still in the process of launching my business full core. I'm loving every single second of it.

Feel like playing along with #febphotoaday? Head over to fat mum slim's to see how to participate. It looks like it's going to be super fun!

And, if you're on instagram (my new FAVE!!), I'm mandi_joy. Let's be instagram friends!  

Eva, Andy and Forrest

I went star gazing today and saw this star:




Eva Longoria




Andy Garcia




Forrest Whitaker



Eva Longoria, Andy Garcia and Forrest Whitaker are in town filming the movie "The Truth". Today my sis-n-law and I went downtown to watch the filming. It was so exciting! I can't wait to watch the movie to see if I can recognize the scenes that we were watching film. They have rented a home across the lake from our friends home to do some scenes in. Andy Garcia also went to the hospital to film a few scenes. He took pictures with all of the nurses and gave autographs. My mom-in-law's best friend has had a crush on Andy Garcia since she was 17. She just so happens to work at the hospital on the floor that Andy was filming on. The day that filming took place, she left work three hours early and totally missed him. Needless to say, she was disapointed. So, it's been pretty darn interesting to say the least!! Eva's even been tweeting about being in Sudbury! To think that our town has some celebs running around. And don't you know that I am a HUGE "Desperate Housewives" fan so to think that when I watch tonight, Eva will actually be in my city! Crazy!

Just had to share. :)

Permanent Residency - AWARDED!

My Welcome Packet

I can now officially say that I am a Permanent Resident of Canada. I officially reside in another country. I am no longer just a visitor. After a very long, four year process, I am finally official. And it is a wild feeling.

Wednesday, October 19th, 2011, it became official. And, I will never ever have to go through this process again. I honestly feel as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. No more dealing with expiring visas and the hassle to update them. No more nervousness as you cross the border into and out of the country. No more limbo. No more wondering. It's complete and I am finally a Permanent Resident.

I am able to work, to have access to the free health care system, to mingle, mix and be. I just can't vote. But that's a-ok for me. I'm a Permanent Resident and I am so HAPPY!!!!!

You Are Worthy

Source: None via Ally on Pinterest

Hey friends!

Last night I was able to take a nice hot bubble bath. What a luxury! I mean, truly, it was. To have some time to myself to soak and unwind was priceless. I received the sweetest bath kit for Mother's Day that I've been able to use a few times - last night being one of them. My sister-n-laws friend makes handmade soaps, bath bombs, body scrubs and the like and she put the kit together. It truly is a treat.

Last night got me thinking. When was the last time you took some time to truly enjoy yourself? To take a few minutes out of your day to do something you want to do. To treat yourself. To enjoy a little luxury like a hot bath, or a good book, or a fancy coffee drink? Dear Friend, you are precious and so worthy of that time.

My challenge to you this week is to carve out some time for you. To take no less than 15 minutes to enjoy something for you. Maybe you'll need to put the kids in front of a movie, or drop them off at a neighbors. Maybe this week you just don't have the extra spending money for a new treat like a piece of jewelry or even that drink from Starbucks. Then take some time to do something else. Enjoy a walk at your local park. Or put on your favorite DVD. Or paint your fingernails. Or take a nap. Now that's a luxury to me!

Dear One, you are so worth it. You are valuable, precious and so worthy of taking some time for yourself. You deserve it. So do it.

We Will Stand

Today, I, along with the rest of the world gives pause to remember the events of 9-11. Such a tragic day in our countries history but let us never forget the sacrifice so many paid. Please take a few minutes to watch this video of a song my friend wrote to honor and pay tribute to those who died - and those who were left behind. ‎10 years ago this weekend the United States came under attack. This song is dedicated to the heroes and victims of that day and the men and women of the American Armed Forces bravely defending the greatest country in the world.

God Bless the USA.

An Ordinary Wednesday

It's just an ordinary day around here.

I've started a new devotional by Beth Moore and already am challenged.

We had a good breakfast of scrambled cheese eggs, turkey bacon and a slice of toast.

I'm folding small little shirts, pants, socks and washcloths.

The sun is shining and it becons me to take Aubrey for a long walk.

Soon Aubery will wake from her morning nap and we'll get ready for lunch.

Later on I'll make Shane a big meal to take to work. He's traveling out of town working the late shift all week.

Crazy work schedules are just normal around here.

The night will cap off around 7 when I'll put Aubs in the tub for a long soak and a good play. Then it's her last nurse of the night and then she's off to dreamland.

Whatever your ordinary day holds, may it be great. Happy Wednesday Friends!


To read what else I had to say about an Ordinary Day, follow this link.

What I've Been Up To

Hi gals! How is everyone on this gorgeous Thursday? Well, at least I'm hoping it's gorgeous where you are. Today the sky is a brillant blue here in Northern Ontario. It's warm and breezy and just a perfect kind of day. Things have been pretty busy lately. Been stuck with my nose in a few baby books learning all I can. We've been working on a few projects around our home as well - and I can't seem to keep myself out of the kitchen. I've been cooking and baking up a storm! I found this amazing recipe for blueberry muffins that I've made twice in the past two weeks. Let me know if you want the recipe. It involves sour cream and in my mind, anything that involves sour cream is an A+!

Manitoulin Island

Shane and I are getting ready to head to camp for a day or two. Escaping civilized life is sometimes so relaxing. Where we camp, is on the world's largest fresh water island, Manitoulin Island. There are no sort of chain restraunts/coffee shops/anything on the island. It's absolutely gorgeous there and really helps you to escape life and get back to just living. I'm excited to go! I hope to get a few photos for you while away.

Bridal Veil Falls on Manitoulin Island

On the baby front, we had our ultrasound last week - and the baby is doing great. He (or she) is right on track for how far along I am - 19 weeks now. The baby is measuring great! He (or she) was very active and even waved at Shane and I from it's comfortable little spot inside of me. The stinky thing was that our sweet little one stayed on it's back so we weren't able to determine the gender. Boo!!! But the plus side of that is that we head back for our second ultrasound this coming Thursday because they were not able to get a clear look at baby's spine, heart, diaphragm, and kidneys. So we have a second chance! I'm really praying that we finally get to find out. I'm just dying to know!! Oh, haha, and the funny thing - the baby was moving so much (kicking its legs) that the ultrasound tech laughed five different times because the baby was being such a bugger! I wish I had a scanner to upload a couple of the sonogram photos for you. The baby has such a cute nose! I may just be biased though. :)

It's A Beautiful Life

Hello friends! How has this beautiful spring been treating you? Here, the sun has been shining and we've had temperatures in the nineties. I spent yesterday with a friend on the world's largest fresh water island, Manitoulan Island. We spent the day exploring some waterfalls and cute, quaint shops. We also hit up a farmers market and I purchased some organic veggie plants that I hope to be putting into the ground very soon. I bought two seperate varieties of heirloom tomatoes and had to laugh at their names. Hillbilly and Mortgage Lifter. :) Pure comedy.

Life has been exceptional lately. Finding out I am pregnant has been the biggest blessing - and the most life changing thing I've ever gone through. The time I've been away, I've truly just been enjoying this pregnancy, relaxing and reading stacks of books on pregnancy and becoming a mom.

I've spent my days outdoors, sitting on my deck. I don't have any fancy deck hairs - I just grab two from my dining room set. I sit on one and use the other to prop my feet up and to hold my books and water bottle. I'm hoping to get a touch of sunkissed skin and to enjoy that Vitamin D. I can't wait to get back out there today!

It's lilac season here in Ontario, and everywhere you go, there are bushes of lilacs. It's almost overwhelming how many people have lilac bushes. The smell is INCREDIBLE and the beauty just astounding. I myself have two large lilac bushes, one located right outside of my kitchen window. It's a late bloomer so by tomorrow I think we will be able to pick some blooms. In the meantime, my mother-n-law and sister-n-law and I went for a drive through the city the other night and picked bunches of lilacs from bushes that weren't connected to anyones home or yard. We went up to one of the water towers in town and there were scads of lilacs - and we happily picked ourselves some. There were so many that you couldn't even tell we had been there.

I came home and placed them around my house.

Some I added to my enamelware Ikea pitcher.

Others in small budvases I recieved for my birthday.

Things with my pregnancy have been excellent. We have our first official appointment on Monday with our midwife. I'll be having a full physical and running the complete gammet of tests that they due on a momma. I'm a little nervous but hope things will be fine. Does anyone really like to be poked and prodded? Despite it all, I've just felt so good. I'm one of those lucky women who hasn't experienced any morning sickness or really any nausea. My only food aversion is leafy greens - especially spinach. And normally I love that stuff! No real cravings for anything except for my father-n-laws hamburgers (which he made me!) and I want to eat tons and tons of fruit. I'm in my 11th week of pregnancy (unless the doctors end up telling me different at my appointment) and currently our baby is about the size of a lime! I'm feeling best when I wear my maternity pants or really loose athletic pants - though I can still wear a couple of pairs of jeans. As far as shirts - I'm not in any maternity shirts yet. I'm definatly getting a baby bump though!


I'm back home in Canada. We arrived back on Mother's Day. My sweet hubby bought me a dozen pale pink roses to celebrate our baby. We had an amazing drive that day and just enjoyed being with one another. We had incredibly favor at the border and made it through with no problem. Now we are just waiting to see the government's decision on whether or not I am approved for Permenant Residency. We could be waiting months.


We also had an amazing brunch on Mother's Day. Everyone brought different dishes and it made for one filling feast!

We had so many sweet rolls! Everyone thought someone else WASN'T bringing/making them!


Thank you for your patience while I have been gone. Well, all of you but one. Just lost a follower yesterday. :) Ah well - what can you do? I just needed some time to absorb all of the changes in my life and get my bearings. I've barely even read any of your blogs! I just basically shut myself off and have been pouring over baby books. Truly! I can't wait to see what everyone has been up to - and what all has been going on in each of your lives. Sorry for the novel today! I am a bit too wordy for my own good - but wanted to let you know what all has been going on with me. Love you all and will talk to you soon!!


and Baby

My Biggest DIY Project Ever!

Hello blogging buddies! How is everyone? I hope you're doing great! It's been so long since I've updated but I just wanted to pop in and share a few things with you.

First things first. I'm currently working on my biggest DIY project to date.


I'm having a baby!

I know, right?! I can't even begin to tell you how incredibly excited that I am at the news that my hubby and I are having a baby. It was completely unexpected but such a welcome suprise. I am currently 8 and a half weeks along - with a due date of December 8th. Our baby is about the size of a kidney bean. There's so much to plan, so much to learn, so much to dream about. It's all just way too exciting!

I'm feeling tremendous. I feel like my skin is glowing (after about a week of some bad acne), my lashes seem more lush, and overall I just feel really good. Could maybe have a bit to do with all of the water and fruits and veggies I've been consuming too!

I'm still in the States. My hubby is coming this weekend to get me and we will attempt to head back to Canada and apply for a visa which will allow me to wait out the results of my Permenant Residency application. Sunday (my first Mother's Day!) will be the big day that we try to head to Canada so I would absolutely covet your prayers in this matter. Thank you so much friends!

I hope to get back to regular blogging soon - as soon as I get into my own home. I've enjoyed this little break but miss catching up with ya'll. In the meantime, I'm burying my nose in pregnancy books. Please feel free to pass on any advice about pregnancy, being a mom, labor, anything! And thanks for taking a minute to share in this joy with us. It all means so incredibly much!

When Things Don't Work Out As You Planned - More Than Just A Barn Star

Paint: $1.39

Foam Brush: $.69

Realizing that I don't love the new change: Priceless.

If that barn star was in any other home but mine, I'd love it. But it's so not jiving with my neutral pallet. Ah well! I'll be spray painting it black one day.

Here's what I mean by "one day".

I must admit that I have been dreading writing this post. But I need to tell you what has been going on in my life in the past few days. This past Thursday evening, my visa was revoked so I am no longer able to live in Canada at this present time. For those of you new to my blog, let me briefly explain my situation. I met my hubby almost seven years ago while I was working at a church in Canada. A year later we started dating and a few months after that I ended up moving back to the States. We decided to keep dating as we liked each other so much and to make a long story short, later got engaged and then married. Three days after our wedding I moved to Canada to start my life with my hubby. As part of that process, I was put on a visitors visa that merely allowed me to stay in Canada. I could not work, attend school or have access to the Canadian health care system. As part of our situation, I needed to apply for Permenant Residency which would allow me to stay in Canada, work and have health care. The paperwork is about an inch thick, incredibly detailed (listing guests at our wedding, listing everywhere I lived and worked in the past 10 years, photographic evidence of us dating and our wedding, ect.).

We had been steadily working on the application process since 2007 - but also a big part of this process was getting background checks and fingerprints for each country I lived in (Canada and the USA), medical tests including chest xrays, blood work and an entire physical. I had to have photographs taken and a whole host of other things. To top it off, the fees of this whole thing was over $1300 - not counting the trips to the States for fingerprinting and background check. (Pennsylvania does not mail them to other countries and you can only pay with a US credit card. Such a nightmare.) All of this to say, it's been a long process for us and we honestly didn't realize how much time it would take. What we also didn't know is that we had to get this application done in less than a year - the length of my first visa. See, since that first visa, I've renewed it twice and never had a problem. Until Thursday night.

My visa was about the expire and since we were headed to PA for the weekend, we stoped at the border to have my visa renewed. To make a long story short, the woman who delt with us was horrible. Mean, shrewed, confrontational - and denied my visa because I had been in Canada for 2 and a half years (though she kept saying three years) and hadn't submitted my Permenant Residency application. She revoked my visa and told me that we needed to leave Canada and if we attempted to cross the border they would "come chase us down".

So here I am. In Pennsylvania. Until who knows when. My hubby is submitting the application this week and then we wait. There is the chance that when we submit the application and get a reciept that we sent it registered mail (and we will be photocopying each page of the app as proof) we can go back to the border and "if we are lucky" (border gaurds words) we will be able to get another visa so that I can wait out the application review in Canada. If not, (meaning we get a border gaurd in a bad mood), then I will have to come back to my parents house and live here for what could be the next nine months. It's an awful feeling to know that my life is being based on whether or not we are "lucky" enough to have someone who will give us another visa.

As you can imagine, this has been such a devastating thing for Shane and I. He leaves to go back to Canada tomorrow and I am truly dreading that day. My heart has been broken in half thinking of being without him. Unfortunatly, this has been such a theme of our relationship though. Long distance dating and engagement, him being in trade school each year of our marraige (which means he lives three hours away from our home for two months - home on weekends). We actually just got done with him going to trade school - from January to March. We had all of April together as we have been on unemployment due to him being in school since January. Can the hits just keep on coming?

I'm doing my best to stay positive. I have a wonderful family who is keeping me busy - this upcoming week we have lots of plans. They have a great calling plan to Canada (free calls!) and they have been more than supportive. How blessed can I be? My friends have been so great too. But still, my heart is hurting. I'm dreading tomorrow when Shane leaves. I know there will be lots of tears. I have about a weekends worth of clothes - but never in my wildest dreams would I have thought to prepare like I would be living away from my home for an undertimned amount of time. It's so hard to think about being away from my husband, my dogs, our home, my stuff. I've also been having a hard time with the thought of blogging and reading blogs as I tend to like to read about home decor - and well....I won't be in my home for well...maybe the next nine months. I think I just need to take a bit of time off. Maybe just a few days - maybe a bit longer. I'm not sure. Right now I'm just not even sure what on earth to blog about that anyone would find interesting. Please just bear with me. :) Please.

Thanks for taking the time to read this long post. Feel free to ask me any questions if I haven't explained well. And though I say I may be taking a blog break, who really knows. I mean, it might just be the thing I need to keep my mind off of what is going on in my life. Please pray for Shane and I that our marriage stays strong, that we grow only closer during this time apart, that this application process goes quickly and smoothly in our favor. I know that God has a plan!! I know that he does. I'm trusting and hanging on as tight as I can.

When It Wasn't Me - But He.

“Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit’ says the Lord Almighty.” - Zechariah 4:6

It was the during the Spring of 2004 and I felt this gnawing on my heart. I was standing in a tiny country church. It was the kind of church that looked like it should have been on an episode of “Little House On The Prairie”. Quaint. Small. Wooden benches. It was the type of church where everyone knew one another’s name and you could bet that the pastor was coming over to your house for Sunday dinner. It was also where I was about to speak to a group of teenagers and I felt like God was getting ready to change up the message that I had prepared for the evening. And I was a bit panicked.

I was on staff for Master’s Commission, an intense discipleship program for college age students. We’d begun the school year mid-September and since that point I had been the one our director had chosen to do most of our speaking engagements. I’d been in front of numerous youth groups, a couple of youth camps and even a few youth rally’s sharing the message of Jesus. I’d performed skits with my teammates - some silly, some serious. We’d poured our hearts out in worship, prayed over kids, and shared the amazing message of Christ to hungry hearts. It’s what we craved to do and for that year we were living that dream.

So why was this night any different than the others? I had remembered spending a number of hours praying over the message I felt the Lord wanted me to deliver. I’d researched quotes and stats and funny anecdotes. I’d poured over my Bible and referenced verses and chapters. I was ready to go. So while the rest of my teammates were playing games with the kids before the service, I took a few minutes and went in the sanctuary to pray. And it was then I felt God telling me he had a different message. It was like a bit of a punch in the gut for this girl who likes to be organized and prepared down to a T. I thought that perhaps I wasn’t hearing the Lord correctly. Surely he wouldn’t switch it up minutes before the service. But why would he not? I think he was trying to teach me a lesson on dependence. On him. And not my preparation.

The apostle Paul told us to ‘be prepared in season and out of season (2 Timothy 4:2)’ and in those moments I was learning what that meant. I grabbed another staff member who was also one of my dearest friends. We prayed over what I was feeling the Lord was saying and we both agreed that what I was feeling was right. So our teammates played a few more with the youth group and I jotted down a few things that I felt the Lord saying.

I can’t remember what it was that I said that night. It wasn’t me that was speaking. That night I could feel the power of the Holy Spirit speaking through me and I knew that it was not in my strength but in his that I spoke. Verses came out of my mouth. I hadn’t prepared for this message but God was giving it. And it was incredible! At the end of the message I gave an alter call. And not one person responded.

I turned the service back over to the youth pastor and sat down on one of those wooden pews. I began to question myself again. Had I really heard the Lord? Why had no one responded? I almost felt a little sheepish. Until I heard the youth pastor speak. With words of authority and a voice of compassion, he looked at his youth group and said, “Why didn’t any of you come up here? Mandi just read your mail.”

And then he went on to bring the message home. God knew that those kids needed to hear what was said that night. I had no idea what the students were going through or had any clue as to what they were facing. But God knew. He knew exactly what they needed to hear in a way that I could never have imagined. He spoke to those kids through me. It wasn’t by might. Or by my power. But by his power. And it was then the kids started coming to the alter. Only two were left in their seats. It was such a powerful time at that alter. There were tears. There was healing. There was power and transformation. And then there was joy. True joy.


They say that public speaking is the number one fear of society. But for me, speaking words of life over an audience is pure joy. There is a sweet surrender in my spirit as I lay aside my agenda and follow the Lord’s direction as to what he would have me say. I’ve spoken to audience as small as a handful of people to groups in the hundreds. And in those few moments, it’s a laying down of me so that He may be glorified. I’ve come to know that is one of the giftings that the Lord has chosen to give me. Am I eloquent? By no means. I’m more of a stuttering Moses - but in his strength, I am made perfect. And it is through that strength I have seen lives touched and changed. Not by my might. Nor by my power. But by his spirit.

In those deepest parts of my heart, I long to speak to groups. Women’s retreats. Youth camps. Youth groups. Conferences. It’s this longing that I can‘t shake. It’s that God-shaped dream inside of this heart. But I must admit, I don’t know what my next steps are. I trust the Lord to make them clear in his time. I had heard of She Speaks Conference months ago and looked into going. Financially it is not within our means this year. And though there is a tract just for speakers, where you can learn how to develop a great message, understand what makes a message memorable, delivery techniques and what I’m most interested in learning - how to increase speaking engagements by using proven marketing strategies. These are the nitty grittys that I’m dying to learn. It’s my heart’s cry! Even typing these words I just get excited.

You see, this post has been my application for a Cecil Murphy scholarship to attend She Speaks. The conference is for women who want to be speakers, writers, and Women’s Ministry Leaders. There are a hundred other gals who are dreaming of being selected to win one of three scholarships. I pray that the right women are chosen and I trust that God has those women already selected. I’m excited for my chance to be considered for a scholarship. And you can have that chance too! If you are interested in attending 2010 She Speaks please just follow this link and it will take you to the She Speaks site. Or, if you are interested in applying for a scholarship, please click here. You only have until tomorrow - Friday, March 26th - so hurry!


Be blessed my friends! Thanks for taking a few minutes to read ya’ll! Love you much.
 

The Time I Was Held Up At Gun Point : A Ridiculously Long True Story

To set this story up for you, let me first provide a bit of background. It was November 2001 and I had just begun working out of a very large church in Pennsylvania. By large, I mean the building was enormous (my friends and I temporarily used a scooter to get us from our office to the church office - it was much quicker) and was large - thousands of people type attendance. I had only been at the church since mid-September. I was there doing my second year of the program Master's Commission - an extremely intense ministry discipleship course for college age students. There were fourteen of us on the team and of those fourteen, three of us were doing our second year of the program so we had a bit more leadership opportunities than those in their first year. This also allowed us to have a couple of keys to the church - keys that first years didn't have. A key to one outside door near our classroom/office, a key to our classroom, and a key to our office inside of the classroom. Also around this time, cellphones weren't such the deal that they are now. Sure, people had them, but now it seems everyone has one. At this point in time, if you didn't have one, you weren't a weirdo. (I by the way, don't have a cell - I'm in the weirdo category.) To tell you one more thing about the building, picture our classroom and office at one end of the church - the sanctuary about 3/4 to the other end of the church, and the church offices all the way at the opposite end of our office.

The particular night we are talking about was a bit different for us. It was close to Thanksgiving and our church was participating with other churches in the community for a corporate Thanksgiving service at a theater downtown. The plan was, after that nightly service, we would all head home from the theater and come back to class the next day. Some of us had carpooled together so we headed back to the church to hop in our cars and head home. Well wouldn't you know, one of the guys - we'll call him J - had left his car keys and backpack in our classroom. Now normally this wouldn't be too big of a deal, but at this point, there were just a couple of us at the church - three of us to be exact. Why is that a big deal? Well, normally it wouldn't be - but there was a certain time that the alarm was set at the church. And I did not know the alarm code to turn it off should it have been set. J glanced at his watch - it read 8:50. We had ten minutes before the alarm would usually be set. We were in the clear.

I had been wearing a midwaist suede coat - and a back pack. That backpack was weighing me down so I dropped it on the pavement thinking that I'd scoop it up after letting J into the church. Our friend Aimee was waiting outside for us. This all should have taken mere moments.

But as I unlocked the outside door that I had a key to, and J and I walked inside of the church, we both heard "bee bup, bee bup". Dread ran over me. It was the alarm. Shoot! Panic started to set in as I'd been in this sort of situation before - but that's a story for another day. I started to run down the hall to our classroom. I knew we needed to get the alarm off asap before the police came. J was pretty nonchalant and assured me that we'd be able to call the director of our program, he'd tell us the code, and we'd be fine. Or so we thought. As I got into our office and tried to use the phone, I realized that the line was dead. The alarm had disabled all of the phone lines. Shoot! At this point the alarm was just screaming at us. It was no longer just a "bee bup, bee bup" but was now a full fledged siren - ear splitting.

J said that he was going to go out and try to use Aimee's phone to call someone to help us with the alarm. Thankfully she was one of the only people on our team with a phone. Here's the bad part though - she was on the last bit of battery life - and her car charger was not made for her phone. (Right Aimee? Correct me if I'm wrong.) Aimee came running into the church to try and call for help - J decided to wait outside incase the police came.

For whatever reason, whether we thought he would be in bed or if we were too afraid of his wrath, we didn't call our director. We instead called our media director, John. He was still at the theater helping to take down all of the sound equipment. We knew he had the code and because he was just about our age - we knew he wouldn't get too ruffled at our setting off the alarm. He told us the code, and as I entered it into the alarm box, nothing happened. Shoot! I entered it again. It wasn't working! The alarm wasn't going off. I tried one more time. And then remembered, after entering the numbers, I had to hit the ENTER button to enter the numbers. Bingo! The alarm silenced. Whew!

John informed us that the alarm company would probably call and that we would need to tell them the secret code so that the police wouldn't be dispatched to the church. He also told us to expect the night security from across the street to come over and check things out - as they did every night. John told me that the information for the alarm company was in his office in the media room - 3/4 of the church length away from our office. I asked John if my key would work in the media room door - he figured that it probably would. I was just thankful the alarm was off, so I felt sure he knew what he was talking about. We had a bit of a laugh and hung up the phone. He also had mentioned that if we were not able to get the number for the alarm company directly, we could also hit a certain number on the inter-church telephone system and reach them directly. Check.

Aimee and I set off for the media room to retreive the password and phone number for the alarm company. What a long walk. I think there were a few laughs along the way. We went up the stairs to the media room door. Now mind you, part the media room was located on the second floor of the sanctuary - or the balcony. I tried my key in the door. No such luck. It was the wrong key. Aimee and I went into the sanctuary where she suggested that she could climb out over the railing of the media room balcony and get the hidden key and get inside of John's office that way. We thought about it for a few seconds - but as I looked down onto the pews below, I knew we'd be in for it if Aimee happened to fall. Not to mention the world of hurt that she would be in. We decided to try and call the alarm company from the inter-church phone system. I tried dialing out at the nearest phone, but whether the phones were still disabled or the phones weren't programed with the alarm company number as John had thought - I'm not sure. Either way, the phone didn't work.

Just our luck! We decided to head back to our classroom/office to call John once more to let him know about our bad luck and then head home. And we did just that. John had a bit of a laugh with us, we hung up the phone and Aimee and I got ready to head home. She grabbed us a couple of York Peppermint Patties and I locked the office door. I opened up my patty, we giggled and walked out of the classroom. And that's when we saw him.

An officer was shining his flashlight into the gym doors that were located right across from our classroom. Hearing us, he turned out, pulled out his gun, cocked it and said "Put your hands in the air!! Drop what's in your hands!!" Onto the ground went the peppermint patties and Aimee's cellphone. "Up against the wall!! Spread your legs!" So up against the wall we went as the police officer patted us down. "Who are you?!" he barked. "We're Master's Commission students sir." I was thinking that this was the security guard from across the street. Yeah, dumb.

He continued to badger us with questions. Who were we? What were we doing here? Why was there a rock holding the door open? What?!

At this point, Aimee and I had assumed that Jason had been outside waiting for the police to show up. Well, he wasn't. He had left. And for whatever reason - perhaps incase he needed to get back into the church - J had put a rock in the door to prop it open. Remember, I was the only one with the key. Aimee and I didn't know about the rock so we were pretty stumped by that question. The police officer started grilling us about J. What color car did he drive? Who was he? He kept insisting that he saw someone speeding out of the driveway when he pulled into the parking lot. We had no idea about this and felt a little more than sure that J hadn't been speeding away from the church. That just sounded silly.

J drove a purple car. The police officer kept trying to trip us up about the color. "You said it was magenta". "No, it's purple. Like Barney." It was. The police officer ushered us outside and told us to put our hands on the hood of his car. So there we were - two young girls - hands on the hood of this officers car as he called in our names. It was a ridiculously long time that he sat in his car. Finally he BEEPED HIS HORN to get our attention. As if he couldn't get out of his car and talk to us. No. He beeped his darn horn and pointed at Aimee - "you, come here". Aimee went around to his door where he then proceeded to tell her that he didn't believe our story. (You know, the one where we were students at the church, that our friends keys were left in the church, and we were retreiving them when the alarm went off - that story). She politely told him that we were telling the truth. Then said to Aimee "Get her". Aimee said "Mandi, he needs to talk to you". I came around to the side of the car.

"Amanada Loomis, huh? Don't we have a warrent out for your arrest?" he asked. "No sir, that must be another Amanda Loomis." Not the first time we had been mistaken. But again, that's another story for another day.

"Go sit over there." He directed us to the door stoop. So we sat. At that point we were finally able to talk to each other as we watched the officer do whatever it was that he was doing. He grilled us about my backpack laying on the ground. And also about Aimee's car door being open. She hadn't shut it behind her after running into the church to give me her phone to call for help. I suppose it may have looked suspicious, but our story never wavered. Why would it?

The next thing we knew, a second police car came barreling into the parking lot. It was the canine unit. They told their big german shepard to bark as if to scare us. I think it only made us groan and roll our eyes. Seriously guys? The officer got out and took out his flashlight and shone it into our cars. He wrote down our liscence plate numbers and tried to look scary.  We weren't impressed. Again, the first officer kept trying to trip up our story.

Then, a third police car came speeding into the parking lot. This guy was driving like such a nut that he drove over a cement median type thing and POPPED HIS TIRE! If we didn't laugh at that point, I'm just not even sure what we did. Maybe we didn't laugh - but at this point we were irritated. I think about 45 minutes had passed since we first got to the church. And it was cold! We were right off the interstate where it was always windy - plus it was the end of November.

The second officer tried to trip up our story. Trying to confuse us. But we maintained our story completely. Finally they asked how we got into the church in the first place. I said "I have a key". Duh. He asked to see it and tried it in the door. By jove, it worked! I think the were looking a little like they had egg on their face. I suppose they were merely doing their job, but honestly, they were a bit overkill. Again he asked us to explain why we were at the church. We told him about John and the alarm code.

Finally he asked us to call "this John guy". I asked him if we could use his cellphone as Aimee's was dead. He sort of grunted, acted way too irritated, and gave it to us. We made the call, and John assured us that he would be right there. He spoke to the officer and vouched for our story. About ten or so minutes later, John showed up and at the same time so did the head of maintenance for the church. (The alarm company calls him if the alarm goes off - so he showed up to see what was going on.) Aimee and I were "released into John's custody".

Before leaving, the first officer said to us "You're lucky I've had so much experience. A younger guy would have shot you guys without even asking questions". Yeah right fella. Even back then I knew that was a load of bologna.

Immediatly after being "released", we went up to John's office and ate some cookies.

The End.

P.S. The church was fined over $500 for this incident.

I'm Ridiculous....ly Bored

So here's what I do when I'm ridiculously bored on a car ride.

I take numerous photos of myself. Eat your heart out Tyra!
















And why do I do this? Because this man is on the phone!